LIAR, LIAR
YOUR MALL IS ON FIRE
No, really: our mall was on fire today. And despite being there, I somehow missed it. Overall, it was a quiet day. The snow was not encouraging people to drive out and shop, and I doubt their now-empty wallets were encouraging them either. I spent most of my shift doing some idle tasks and receiving boxes.
And then in the middle of the afternoon, I noticed a strange smell. A peculiar campfire and burning leaves sort of smell. Well, since no one was panicking or screaming down the corridors, I shrugged and assumed someone in the foodcourt burned something on a stove.
A few minutes later a rather ominous message was heard across the mall’s PA system. It cheerfully said (more or less) that, “Some of you might have recently noticed a strange smell or the air getting smoky. This is because there has been a small fire in the mall, but it is being taken care of and extinguished. If you had trouble breathing, we recommend you move to a different part of the mall or go outside. We apologize for any inconvenience and have a good day.”
And I said: “Flaming mall of death what?”
This message was repeated another two times, right around the time(s) that the burning smell drastically increased. I ended up consulting with a few other mall employees who were in the store later on, and they confirmed that on the other side of the foodcourt the air had indeed gotten particularly cloudy. My best guess is that the fire itself started in the area(s) where our mall is undergoing renovation and expansion. Why, you ask? Well, if the fire had started in an actual store, sprinklers would have gone off, people actually would have been screaming and running through the corridors and I’m pretty damned sure that the PA announcement might have sounded more like, “Flaming mall of death, GTFO!”
It certainly would have made the day that much more surreal, and I wouldn’t have had much of a problem closing early. My message to my district manager’s pager would have been priceless too: “Yeah, hi, I’ve had to close the store and go home early on account of part of the mall being on fire. I’ll call you again if/when the fire fighters say we can go back inside. Toodles!”
(And to make things even stranger, this makes it the second time in six months that our mall has been on fire. Early into the fall of ’08, part of the Zellers’ outdoor garden centre went up like a tinderbox. I was off the day that happened. And no, I didn’t do it, and yes, I have an alibi. So there.)
In other news, we gave Chance one of the toy mice he got in his Christmas stocking. Within 2 hours, he had somehow managed to eviscerate the darned thing, dragging its chunky cement-like innards out across our sofa cushion. Now all that’s left if the mouse’s furry pelt--with tail left intact, no less! I always thought cats would skin those little things first, not start taxidermy work on it.
And he is still strolling around with the mouse skin dangling from his mouth too. Very, very strange kitty…
Today’s Lesson: malls are flammable.
Labels: Flaming mall of death, the cat who became a certified taxidermist
posted by Phillip at 7:38 AM
